Some mornings I feel amazing when I wake up. The morning of this year’s Great Midlands Fun Run wasn’t one of those mornings. My stomach felt iffy, I had a headache and felt thirsty. I clearly hadn’t drunk enough water on Saturday.

I ate some breakfast, knocked back a couple of glasses of water and started to feel slightly more alive. I had a shower, applied some P20 sun protection, pinned my race bib onto my club vest, got dressed, had a successful session on the toilet and had another drink.

Runner number 0001 was finally ready to go. Sort of.

A short train journey later I found myself following dozens of runners towards the start area of the race. The sun hadn’t made an appearance and I actually felt quite cold waiting to start. As I waited in the start area I realised that I really, really needed a wee. This left me with a bit of a dilemma. In the end I decided that I could hang on until I reached the toilets in Sutton Park. I decided that I would pretend I didn’t need a wee, i also decided to avoid the first couple of water stations.

Pleased to discover that the Met Office had got the weather forecast wrong again! 

Walking away from the portaloos towards the start area. A decision I would later regret.

My “I really need a wee” face!

The race started and it took me a couple of minutes to cross the start line. The first mile was really congested, it was a game of dodge the walkers who had started right at the front. I had to keep reminding myself that this was a fun run and not a race.

Although the first couple of miles felt great, I still really needed a wee. When I reached Sutton Park I discovered that there were no toilets. I seriously contemplated peeing as I ran. These thoughts kept me distracted as I ran towards the Jamboree Stone and then the halfway point near Keepers Pool.

I ran past Keepers Pool and promised myself that I could stop for a wee if I made it to 5 miles without walking. I ran through yet another drinks station and spotted the 5 miles marker in the distance. Unfortunately, the sunny weather meant that this area of Sutton Park was heaving with spectators. There was nowhere to hide so I carried on running.Course Map – nowhere to have a sneaky wee!

With less than a parkrun to go I walked for the first time. At this stage the sun had made an appearance and I was starting to feel quite warm. I regretted not drinking and I regretted wearing a t-shirt under my club vest. I told myself to “HTFU” and started to run again.

I passed the 6 mile marker in just over an hour and found myself at the bottom of my running nemesis; Cardiac Hill. I slowed to a walk; yet again I’d allowed Cardiac Hill to beat me. I “power” walked my way up the hill and started to run again when I spotted someone I knew. I took on water for the first time at the drinks station at Four Oaks Gate. I didn’t wet myself.

I reached 7 miles and spotted my friend with his camera. For some reason I decided that with less than 1.5 miles to go, I needed to ditch my t-shirt and running belt. I stripped off in the middle of Four Oaks. Sometimes I don’t understand how my mind works.

I was clearly really, really pleased to see a friendly face! 

T-shirt ditched and cap forgotten I told myself to enjoy the final mile or so of the race. No one was forcing me to run! I ran past my old primary school, the fire station and the police station. I ran past the crowds of people who were enjoying a pint in the sunshine. Sensible people!

As I approached the steep(ish) downhill into the finish area I was aware that my knee was getting painful, I slowed down.

I crossed the line in 85:32, almost 30 minutes faster than last year…

I collected my medal, posed for a photograph and was handed a bottle of water. I must have looked warm as I was hosed down by one of the fire-fighters in the finish area. Thanks!

I had one of the most satisfying wees ever in a disgusting portaloo. The portaloos at the start area of the London Marathon were less fragrant.

Although (thanks to my weak bladder) my 14th Great Midlands Fun Run was uncomfortable at times, I’ll hopefully be back again next year. My 15th Great Midlands Fun Run, however, will definitely be my last. I’m getting too old for the hills.

Registration for the 2017 Great Midlands Fun Run opens on Saturday 28th January 2017.

Race Ratings:

• Cost: 6/10
• Course: 8/10
• Medal: 8/10
• Goody Bag: n/a