Although my asthma only makes an appearance between May and August, I love the summer and I love running in the summer. Once I’ve tracked down a pair of sunglasses that fit my child sized head and apparently wonky ears, my summer running wardrobe will be complete.

So far this summer (I’m assuming that summer isn’t over), the majority of my runs have, however, been accompanied by one of the following…

Flying & biting things: I’ve discovered that there is a positive relationship between the speed that I run at and the number of flies I return home with. As I’m not exactly Miss Speedy at the moment the flies in Four Oaks are safe. It takes a really stupid fly to get trapped on my face. I‘ve almost missed the bonus source of protein. My tried and tested solution to the biting things aka Avon Skin so Soft original dry oil body spray seems to be keeping the midges away.

Heat & humidity: I’ve been dragging my arse out of bed early before the heat & humidity reaches high (for England) levels. I’ve discovered that as an added bonus, running first thing in the morning (i.e. at 5am) removes a number of potential summer running irritations.

Drunken hecklers outside pubs: I was heckled five times during a recent Friday evening run. I do love a bit of summertime alcohol and heat fuelled “banter”. On Monday evening, as I approached the crowds of revellers outside the Crown I was ready for the hecklers. I had prepared some awesome responses to a range of potential heckles.  I discovered that the Monday evening crowd are far more civilised than the Friday evening crowd. I’ll be back on a Friday.

Impatient drivers who seem to forget the Highway Code & have no indicators: What is it with hot weather and the increase in impatient drivers? I’ve witnessed road rage, speeding, people driving through red lights and a parking mishap involving a car and a concrete post (the post won).  I also want to know why indicators have suddenly become so redundant. I’m a runner not a mind reader.

Never-ending post-run thirst: Running in the heat seems to trigger never-ending thirst. After most runs, even after drinking two large bottles of orange flavoured nuun I’m still thirsty. As a result of the excess nuun consumption I’m wearing out the carpet between my study and the bathroom.

Comedy running tan lines: My arms and face are nicely tanned but my legs are bright (winter) white. For some reason my legs have never been tanned. After 36 years I’ve concluded that my legs somehow manage to repel the sun. I’ve also failed to track down high factor, completely sweat proof sun cream.

If anyone has any recommendations please let me know!

Sore spots where I forgot to apply Bodyglide: This summer I’ve discovered the importance of covering myself in Bodyglide. Chafing really hurts and takes ages to heal.

Although I’ve had a good old moan, I personally classify the flies, the heat & humidity, the drunken hecklers, the muppet drivers, the thirst, the comedy tan lines and the chafing as minor irritations. Most are controllable.

This summer I have discovered a major irritation. This particular irritation has caused me embarrassment, an arm injury and has cost me money. I’ve decided to term this major irritation crop top entrapment.

Crop top entrapment: At school my nicknames included “Emma fried eggs”, “pancake chest”, “Emma the boy” etc. As a runner, I’ve discovered that having virtually nonexistent boobs is a bonus. I don’t have to buy vastly overpriced sports bras to control my boobs and can wear crop tops.

Last Friday I got dressed as usual, went for a run, got home with sweat running down my back, had a drink and sat outside in an attempt to cool down.  After a quick sit down I decided that I really needed a shower.  Once inside I managed to peel off my t-shirt, shorts, socks and pants and was left in my crop top.

Could I remove my crop top? No!

After spending what felt like hours of me getting increasingly stressed and sweaty, I realised that the crop top wasn’t budging. The inflexibility in my upper body and arms made me regret not embracing yoga. I was trapped in my crop top, alone and getting more and more desperate. In the end I resorted to removing my crop top with a pair of scissors.

So where did I go wrong? Is there a technique to removing sweaty crop tops I haven’t discovered?

Please make me feel better and confirm that I’m not the only runner to have been trapped in a sweaty crop top. Please tell me that I’m not alone in restoring to using scissors to remove an item of sweaty running clothing.

Thanks for the support and memories crop top. I’m sorry that it ended the way it did.